Summer at Tambobo Bay

Summer at Tambobo Bay
oil on canvas

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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Which is More Important?

Priorities
It was difficult to tell whether he was aware that he would die in a few months or not. His doctor said that the extent of metastases to his other organs was massive. But his calmness and hopefulness baffled his family. They wanted to tell him about the truth. His last wishes meant a lot to them. But the consequence might be more fatal than death itself. Depression might pull him down and the precious few months will turn into nothingness.
How do you talk about death? How do you break the news and allow it to sink and never be afraid? Who would dare to break the news? Are you brave enough?
This is a common dilemma to those who have encountered the big C. Others die without even knowing that they had cancer. Others simply didn’t want to know, or even cared.
It is easy to ask someone what clothes is she going to wear when she attends a birthday party. But choosing a dress that leave the last impression to her family and friends forever is another story. Most answers might be “That’s the least of my worry.” But what if she does? What if she wanted something special to make a meaningful exit? What if she had set aside many things that she had wanted to do in life thinking that there will always be time for that? What if she had waited for the right moment to tell her husband how much he had made her life complete? What if she had reserved some praises for her children, words like, “I thank God that He gave me wonderful children who made me very happy and proud?”
There is nothing wrong with hoping and praying and bargaining with God for more years… but sometimes His answer is Yes and sometimes No. We all live in a borrowed time. We live by His grace.
Five years ago, I was confronted with my own mortality when I had invasive breast cancer. Surgeries and chemotherapies followed. There were good days and dark moments. My oncologist gave me a hint that preparing a video of myself would be helpful to my family to preserve memories.
I reflected upon it thinking that to be prepared at all times wont alter God’s appointed time. I always believed that God’s plan is perfect. His purpose is always good. Death can be a taboo to humanity, but for those who hope in the salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, death is just a beginning of an eternity.
I started my compilation, and painted more big canvasses to leave something like a legacy to my family. I created blogs and websites for my paintings and other artists who like to include their works. I documented my paintings and poems in keynote presentation to keep those who would attend my vigil from getting bored. My daughter Magenta is also my closest friend. We have talked about future plans that maybe weird to those who consider death as morbid. I need someone in my family who is brave and has an open mind about issues like that. To prepare is not about losing faith, but respecting God’s own plan.
I began to teach passionately, telling my students how blessed they are and how wonderful to be alive, and today is special, not to be wasted, but cherished, for it will never come back. I wanted to impart knowledge without holding back.
I didn’t even notice that my youngest son wanted more of my company in watching TV than seeing me in front of my easel or teaching. To him, what matters most is the family’s togetherness, counting days to have a trip to the mall, spend time with relatives, visit the farm, eat spaghetti together or simply being complete as a family.
Facing the reality of life and death as a matter of natural cycle is not easy. But it makes a lot of difference when we make the most of our time while it lasts. When I forget my priorities, my family reminds me that I can be replaced easily as a teacher, but not as a wife and mother.